If I knew more about the bible, I’d maybe be able to find a passage that mirrors the vignettes in this episodes. It seems as if it should teach us a lesson, like the three animals in Anti-Christ, a movie I love to bring up often in normal conversation.
The episode revolves around cakes, and how cakes have set off crazy events in our gal’s lives. It’s also a “let’s remember” episode which are always lovely. And a lazy writing technique.
Dorothy and the Shitty Birthday
Dorothy is turning, I don’t know, 48 or whatever absurdly young age these women are supposed to be, and Rose has planned the party. Because Rose is a functioning deranged person, she takes them all to a child’s birthday place, where they serve hot dogs and a sad clown does a sad stage show and they do a birthday march. Rose of course loves it because her brain cells are slowing decaying but no one takes this illness seriously. Dorothy is having a coniption, and I know for the effect of comedy, but why wouldn’t she just walk the fuck right out of there. Blanche is probably there so she can fuck the clown backstage. Have you heard she’s a whore?
The Ghost of Charlie
Golden Girls has depressing moments and poignant moments, and this is both. Too bad it is shoe-horned between such idiotic plotlines. It’s several years ago, and Rose wakes up in her kitchen in Wisconsin and prepares a cake for Charlie’s birthday, seemingly talking to him in the other room.
Turns out, he’s already dead and she’s talking to herself, essentially. She tells Charlie that she doesn’t want to live in their old house and she wants to move to Miami. I have nothing shitty to say. It’s a good scene. Except I find it hard to believe that Rose looks exactly the same in the flashback.
No Sleep for Brooklyn!
It’s the sixties and younger Dorothy comes over to her parents house. Sophia and her husband fight like Italian stereotypes and moral of the story is they end up fucking in their bedroom while Dorothy is in the living room. Is this show always about sex?
The Birthday Gang Bang
Blanche claims she hates surprise parties because she hates birthdays because they remind her of getting older and in case you didn’t know, Blanche is vain as fuck. The irony of it all is that the other three were planning a surprise party for her. But who are all these guests? Well, Rose just called everyone in Blanche’s black book by her bedside. Hahahaha! This is a party consisting of Blanche’s fuck buddies. They congo inside the house, presumably into Blanche’s bedroom for Miami’s greatest gang bang.
Yes, these are the men that Blanche is banging. Repeatedly, because all of them were fine with coming to the party. I’m not here to criticize someone’s looks, but I’m going to criticize someone’s looks. Look at this fucking guy:
Although this extra is having the time of his life. I wonder if they were promised a real gang bang.
Here we are finally told what the fuck a lanai is.