Season 1, Episode 6, “On Golden Girls”, as Reviewed By The President of the Billy Jacoby Fan Club

Well, hey, hi hello! Welcome to Jacoby-Con 2013. Billy couldn’t be here- says he’s really busy!- but thanks for gathering for his career retrospective. After this, we’ll be watching Just One of the Guys, and then stay tuned for the all-night marathon of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.

Oh wait, this just in! Billy can’t make it, but his brother Bobby is slated to make an appearance via Skype! Oh come on, stop throwing things at me. Bobby Jacoby! Star of Tremors! The eight-listed name of Can’t Hardly Wait! Come on guys, I’m doing the best I can, running the Geocities page and everything.

Anyway, back to this episode, where we see Billy’s early acting ability. He plays the troubled grandson of Blanche, sent to stay with the ladies after his parents try to save their marriage by going to Hawaii. You can really see how wonderfully he has embodied the character of a troubled teen who acts out but is really hurting on the inside. How he brings home some local teens at two in the morning to have a party knowing it is wrong. Telling the ladies to kiss his behind, and then after Sophia slaps him [break for studio audience applause], his hurt shines through. Grandma Blanche tries to comfort him to no avail.

Finally, it’s Dorothy who gets through to him, catching him before he runs away to talk some sense into him. Which is fine, because Dorothy is awesome, but shouldn’t this come from his own grandmother. Well, never mind because after a week he is ready to move in with the ladies permanently. GET IN LINE BUDDY. The ladies are all “hail no!” but Blanche calls her daughter Janet threatening to keep David with her, and her daughter then relents and sends for him.

The ladies save the day! But we all know that Billy Jacoby breathed life into this episode. He is a true star.

—-

The Goldies:

Fashion award:

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Nothing too crazy this episode, I’d say it was mostly a nightgown brigade. But since Sophia deserves some fashion craze, I like this apron-over-a-quilted robe look. With those glasses, she pretty much looks like a hipster fashion blogger.

 Best IT GETS REAL moment:

Blanche feels like she screwed up in raising her daughter Janet by spoiling her, and truly does want to raise David to make up for it.

Best Fun Fact:

Sophia likes to discipline children with a melon baller.

The return of “Dorothy is fed up with Rose’s bullshit”:

Rose makes an afternoon snack for David which consists of a BLT, potato salad and chocolate cake. “Where is he going, the electric chair?”

 Best Blanche Loves C*ck Moment:

She hits on the police officer that brought home David is front of everyone an her grandson. “I’m at happy hour every Tuesday!”.

 Best Reminder That This is the Eighties Moment:

There’s talk of the movie Rambo and how Sly Stallone is sweaty and shirtless.

And finally, best EMMY DESERVING MOMENT, NOT KIDDING BEING SERIOUS moment:

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Sophia and Blanche have to sleep in Sophia’s room while David is staying there and Dorothy is studying for a French test. Sophia loudly starts clipping nails, putting on lotion. Dorothy: “Ma, what are you doing?!” Sophia: “Living! Pardonais-Moi!” They proceed to get in bed while annoying each other, finally reminiscing about the past (Sophia imitates Dorothy’s low voice as a child” and it turns out super sweet. These women are seriously gifted at the physical comedy.

Bonus: Dorothy’s reaction to this kid’s ponytail:

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