Season 2, Episode 7: “Family Affair” as Reviewed By Jordan Belfort

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This guy’s name is Michael Zbornak. The year he turned 29, he made 4900 dollars, which really pissed him off because it was three shy of a hundred dollars a week .He rents one home in the East Village which he shares with four other grown men. He plays jazz gigs for $50 bucks a night. He has more ramen noodles than he knows what to do with.

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“You must be the tramp I’ve heard so much about.”

He took a commercial passenger jet to Miami to visit his mother, who was a real firecracker. He was surrounded by p*ssy, and couldn’t get enough of it. Especially Rose Nylund’s daughter, Bridget,  who also just happened to be visiting at the time.  At first Bridget was cold and did not appreciate Michael’s status of a man of the world, and not with a fancy ivy league education.  But she couldn’t stay away long enough. This mustache and 100% denim outfit usually impresses people. Blanche gave those two tickets to the symphony, and it must of been that beautiful music that put her in the mood. Soon they were putting candles up each other’s rectums, and in Blanche’s bed, no doubt.

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Their dear mothers were mad, one, probably because they ruined Blanche’s good sheets. Michael will buy her three replacements, all straight from Italy, it will be fine. It’s the least he can do.  Rose is mad because Dorothy’s son ruined her virginal daughter. Dorothy is mad at Rose because she doesn’t appreciate her accusations against her son. And think about it, it’s sorta embarrassing to catch your son doin’ a chick in your best friend’s bed. Although, it happens, especially if you happen to be banging a chick and her mother at the same time. But that’s another story for another time.

But this Michael guy is unstoppable. By the time he slept with Bridget he had more swagger and confidence than he knew what to do with. We have to find a bank in Tampa to hide it all. His sweet old mother is still mad at him and I’m not even sure why. Women! He uses the line that works every time:

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Meanwhile Bridget and her mother go on a picnic and ol’ Bridge had to break it to her mother that it wasn’t her first time. If only Rose Nylund knew the crazy things that Bridget did when she got into the mounds of white powder, which she did often in her dorm room at Wellesley.

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Hey, sell me that picnic basket! No, really sell it to me!

In case you forgot that Blanche loves cock, she even talk about it in front of her friend’s offspring.

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Dorothy is not impressed. Maybe her men’s tie is too tight.

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Seriously, this Michael guy is a terrible actor, and seems like an insufferable douche. I am sure whenever he meets people he talks incessantly about how he just follows his art, and not society’s expectations, and everyone is all,

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