Season 2, Episode 9: “Joust Between Friends,” As Reviewed By Me As I Descend Into A Depression Spiral

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I don’t know you guys. There’s a lost dog that Rose brings home, purely for the point of using this “bitch” pun.

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Rose also like to talk as this dog in this annoying dog-cartoon voice. God Rose, your roommates already fucking hate you, why make them hate you more? Get some self-awareness. Can you imagine if Rose was on social media? She’s share Upworthy videos every five seconds. Dorothy hates the dog. Then the dog comes running into her bed because an overpayed dog trainer shoved some beef jerky up Bea Arthur’s nightgown. Oooooo, breaking the fourth wall!!! Deal with it. Of course Dorothy loves the dog. In fact that may be the same dog from Married With Children. I could look it up in 2 seconds as I am already on the computer typing this important intellectual tome of the twenty-first century, but it’s too much work.

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Have you heard? Blanche like c–… oh never mind.

Dorothy gets a job because apparently it’s summer, so she gets a job at the museum where Blanche works. Yes, Blanche has a job, apparently the hours are flexible so she can fit in all her fucking. Have you heard Blanche is a slut? If Blanche were on social media we’d have selfies galore. Apparently both their jobs require working in a lobby of a building with barely anything on their desks.

Dorothy brings her mother to work, because what other way to seem professional, especially when your senile mother says things that everyone is thinking.

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Blanche gets jealous that Dorothy gets to work on big projects with her boss and feels left out. So she does whatever mature women do when they are in a fight:

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Actually, we need more dialogue like this. In the show and in the real world.

Turns out Dorothy’s main job is to plan a surprise than-you banquet for Blanche, which is why she can’t tell her anything. Dear museum that Uses Taxpayer Money, please don’t pay for a full-time temp whose sole purpose is to plan a party for another employee. Sincerely, Socialist Hippies Who Like to See Government Money Be Used for Everyone.

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So the two gals finally make up because Blanche is so happy she is once again the center of attention at the upcoming banquet. Except we never see the banquet because what’s the point of showing the whole point of the show. I haven’t been this disappointed since High School Musical when they literally ended the movie before the titular musical even happened.

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