How are we supposed to feel about Stan Zbornak? Is he a lovable goof? A soul mate for Dorothy, and this is a will-they-won’t-they as heated as Sam and Diane? (Yes, I know they get back together briefly, later.) Here is what Stan’s got going for him. He’s tall. (Obviously they cast someone taller that B-Arth). He’s got a sense of humor and a child-like wonder. He’s imaginative (the tie bib, anyone? anyone?)
Yes, but obviously anyone who cheats on Dorothy deserves the guillotine. And in such a cliche way! My goodness! In 1980s, “sleeping with a stewardness” means “man whore.” But he arrives with such a presence, such a joie de vivre. Nothing gets him down. Except when it does. Like his lil’ bro rolling into to town whose all, I’m gonna steal ya girl! [Cue a meme that the youngsters use.]
Ted is a doctor, and has grey hair and an ill-fitting sports jacket. You know what that means- Blanche feels like she has a warm pool o’butta just melting down her gams. She shoves her clit in Ted’s face, demanding he take her out. You know what? I find it weird when we actually see Blanche hit on men. She is great when talking about it.but seeing her do it? Ick. And Ted’s about as excited as Rose Nylund at a caculator store. Ding! When is it okay to use a word that has alliteration with Rose, that describes what she actually is? Homegirl told a story about a milk diving contest and people dipping Oreos in the winner’s swampcrotch bathing suit.
Ted and Blanche’s clit go on a date, and he brings her back early. He won’t come in with her and she is STUNNED! JUST STUNNED! Leave him Blanche, he’s a wet noodle. He runs into Dorothy who is coming home from parent/teacher night (because she’s a sub?). Apparently, Dorothy lets him take the lead (doubtful) but papa likey and they make out in front of the door.
The rest of the ep goes in circles, where Stan gets jealous, Blanche gets insecure, and Dorothy gets snarky. This Ted guy is so meh. Why are all their love interests so…so…bland? It’s not about them being old, but come on, it’s like they are dating retired insurance salesmen. No offense to insurance salesmen, since I’ve never known one.
The big finale happens at a fancy club or restaurant or whichever set they got to build last minute. Stan intrudes on Ted and Dorothy’s fancy date to confront Ted about making plans to go to the Bahamas, since he thinks he is going to propose to Dorothy. Proposals are thrown around on this show as often as Blanche’s panties. See? Slut shaming is super fun. Ted admits he was just sticking it to Dorothy for funsies, and Bea Arthur does her best physical facial expression comedy, by going up to the maitre ‘d stand and announcing:
But really, the best scenes are ones with just the girls. The second subplot is that Rose is having insomnia (probably because she goes to bed at night with full makeup, but she didn’t ask me.) Dorothy and Rose each talk to Rose about how they hated being in a fight with each other, but hear each other and then make up.
Here’s probably my top ten moments of this show (so far): Sophia brings a special Sicilian sleeping remedy and Dorothy drinks it as a joke, but then keels over on the bed suddenly. If that weren’t funny enough, when Sophia leaves, she gets up, laughing at how she was pretending. But then, POW! Bea does a prat fall onto an unseen mattress. I watched it a couple of times to see if it was really her. Careful stunt designers, you don’t want to break these ladies brittle bones!
But seriously, how do we feel about Stan? I feel like he’d be fun to smoke a cigar with and complain about life.
Just a reminder that Blanche likes to wet your d: