YOUR ENEMY: The IRS. Because: your shitty ex-husband was horrible with money and had stupid business ideas, like the Bib-Tie.
YOUR POWERS: You are a Level IV Barb Thrower and expert insult thrower. You show your anger by making others feel your wrath. Level VIII flow-y costumes.
FIRST BATTLE: Un-amused IRS agent who also happens to be Black. Your ex-husband Stanley will make inappropriate comments about how bald men are like other “minorities.”
Damage: You and your husband owe $5000 to the government. In today’s value, that is 40 million dollars.
YOUR GUILD: Blanche: Level 13 tramp. Rose: Tavern Idiot, take -10 points from every battle when you are with her.
SECOND BATTLE: Must haggle your anniversary ring to make the payment. Gift of Magii spell induced by ex-husband, in which he buys it back for you. Ex-husband loses Corvette, which was the logical thing to do in the first place and would have avoided everything.
FINAL BATTLE: Ex-husband charms you with wring, but you use your newly acquired squeezing dick power.